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Confessions 2Since Kumz started then i shall not delay mine any further as well. Was keeping it with me for a very long time, wanted to tell that someone but i guess i'll never have the chance she'll just have to read it up from here. But some people have also already heard part of this. Yup same as Kumz i came to sajc through band appeal.With lousy O levels result of 18, this was the only way to continue being a Saint since my education days at the Accension Kindergarten. But that time, i really really admired sajcband and wanted to be part of it and really lift the name of sajcband up high. I jus love the name of SA, be it sas or sajc. Coming to sajcband, looking at how much suan boon loved his trombone ha it made me feel that heey i need to catch up with him in some areas man. The band was good yea though not there but i could feel that majority of them were trying and trying hard. People could not bare to leave their instruments even after practises. The leaders though not perfect or great or whatever, got my respects in their own special way. They were able to always show us what direction we were heading and though the road was hard and bumpy, i was willing to put in the hard work, i was willing to SACRIFICE what ever was in the way. i wanted to do it for the band, for the leaders, for my seniors especially and for myself. When they left, we had the whole band room to ourselves :) we had our fun and our tears, kok stepped down, people left the band. The band was in a mess, the instrumentation and also the area. So we had spring cleanings! ha and people had to move to new sections...i was really sad at what those ppl who left had done to the band, the damage, emotionally and all. maybe they had no choice or whatsoever, i guess andre and i would really have to be strong and someday forgive their actions. Firstly i must say that i don't know why i wana move to tuba also. maybe because i felt that there was a urgent need to and after all things would not turn out soo terribly wrong , everything would be alright. and Definately not for the attention or the hero status.I need non of this for being a child of God is greater than all. I thought we could still be a really really Good band like before. Then Andre came over to join me. how and why he came over, i did not know until somedays ago recently. i guess it was a really bad experience for him.i really really feel for him. We being the band com batch, i had high hopes for sajcband, i've seen what the past sajcband had done and i wana repeat all that and show it all to our seniors. Make them rmb that they were once part of this and played under the banner sajccb.i wanted sajcband to be high up there, flying high. but being a loser at handling the tuba, i had to know my limits. Besides not the whole band has the same desire and goal as i do. So sadly i was disappointed again. Being a weak shit, i was really struggling at the tuba, i felt like i was gona die after each time i play it. After warm up with the band, i jus felt damn tired and drained physically and slpy. its worst than the 2.4km run. I believe Andre feels something like this too. I guess it was also partly our, or my mistake that i did not seek help from yu xuan asap. The reason why i told the band that my passion has died for the band, i was willing to sacrifice band and all is that i've been disappointed too many times already. its like a love hate relationship. i love the band but after what the band has done to me, i cant bring myself to sacrifice for the band anymore. Being such a passionate saint and a saint for almost my whole life to miss the soccer finals of sajc is really arg. to miss the rugby finals. and this yr to miss the soccer match, but look at what i've got in return, look at what the band has got in return. 2 ppl who arg. shit i have neva played for a 2 person crowd. look at the band today. it still sound almost the same as 6months ago. nothing has changed where is the improvement. I'm sorry that i sux, i was hindering the band frm playing big pieces but wth is that a reason why u ppl must stay stagnant??? that makes me even more insecure that a 80 strong band is gona play merry widow. 76 of u who can't control will be playing against 4 tubist and 3 are actually only tubist by name!? i felt that the band was going nowhere. we would not achieve what we could even if we work our guts out because it is too late already. good bands don become good bands overnight. wana talk abt playing music, enjoying music, being musical and forget abt the competition shit!? notice that its cos of competition that we work hard, we work on our techniques AND THEN we can get to play music, we can get to play for the person beside us, we can be musical. or else u think u can enjoy playing music when urself and the person beside u sound like a big hoard of mosquitos!? even if we talk abt musicality and playing music, has the band been practising because they wana make gd music together!? has it been the motivating factor to improve!? hmmm stupid me in the first place the band has NOT improved at all for those who did...then you'll feel the way i feel right now. treat u all like adults, tell u keep the band room clean once is enough already, but look what happen can't keep ya bloody chairs properly, shoes everywhere, dirty the office all the time, throw weird stuff in and also EVERYWHERE around the dust bin. at home ur parents nag at u, class teachers nag, band leaders nag so i don wana nag abt the cleanliness also...can't u ppl jus rmb it for good!? looking at Andre now i really feel damn sad. his parents starting shooting him abt his transfer at this time and alot of other shit which u ppl don't know. and i guess it wont make a bloody diff even if u ppl did. andre and i made mistakes along the way and that's the reason why we are here today and in this state. thanks to some ppl the band is in this state and shape and whatever we are today. the only reason why i'm gona work my ass of again is cos i wana be at the esplanade with the band that brought me up, the band which disappoint me before but stood up time and again to show that i should not give up on them.SASMB. its not complete somemore to come...its damn late already and i cant think straight anymore...wonder if i even know what i was typing... MOtherly MO at 1:16 AM 0 comments 
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